Verbal abuse doesn't leave evidence comparable to the bruises of physical battering. You may suffer in silence and isolation.
"A victim is often the target of angry outbursts, sarcasm, or cool indifference. The abuser's reaction to these actions is frequently cloaked in a "What's wrong with you?" attitude. She is accused of "making a mountain out of a molehill." Over time she loses her balance and equilibrium and begins to wonder if she is the one who is crazy."
Margie: Edna, do you remember that couple who moved in down the street and we thought they were so nice? Dave and Hannah. You remember how he joked about her being dumb and said she couldn't balance a checkbook? Wasn't that really verbal abuse?
Edna: I do remember them, Margie, and I think you’re right. She never thought it was funny when he made his little “jokes”, did she? In fact, she always looked kind of sad and embarrassed.
Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety. The verbal abuse may begin with put-downs disguised as jokes. Later other forms might surface.
Margie: I was reading a book and it made me think about them. He wasn't a nice man at all. I remember how he blamed her for everything. One day he told her that she was a " stupid child." Remember?
Edna: I do, and I was so surprised. No adult should talk to another adult that way, especially to someone they’re supposed to love and respect.
1. Verbal abuse may be overt (through angry outbursts and name- calling) or covert (involving very subtle comments, even something that approaches brainwashing). Overt verbal abuse is usually blaming and accusatory, and consequently confusing to the partner. Covert verbal abuse, which is hidden aggression, is even more confusing to the partner. Its aim is to control her without her knowing.
Margie: I also remember that day when you took them some of your Rhubarb pie. Remember he said Hannah "cooks like a chef?" I just thought about his tone of voice. He meant the opposite didn't he?
Edna: Yes, I think he was being sarcastic, but at Hannah’s expense. I remember too thinking about how he would feel if someone said something like that about him.
2.Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling. Even disparaging comments may be voiced in an extremely sincere and concerned way. But the goal is to control and manipulate.
Margie: Do you think he was worse when we weren't around?
Edna: I’m afraid that he probably was worse to her in private. That way, he didn’t have to worry about what anyone else thought of his comments.
You know, sometimes when you love someone and you’re used to how they talk to you, you don’t always notice when they’re being intentionally mean to you. Margie, you and I are sometimes crabby with each other, but I would never try to manipulate you. And certainly not by putting you down, I love and respect you too much to do that to you. I would never want anyone to try that with me, either.
3. Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety. The verbal abuse may begin with put-downs disguised as jokes though other forms may surface later.
Where to turn for help if you find yourself the victim of verbal abuse or other form of domestic violence:
For emergency help: Call 911 immediately if you think you are in imminent danger of domestic violence, or have already been hurt.
For advice and support: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). Additional contacts for the hotline: Help through email: ndvh@ndvh.org Help for the hearing-impaired: 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or deafhelp@ndvh.org
For a safe place to stay: If you need a safe shelter from domestic violence, call your state’s branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. To find your state’s hotline number, go here.
This interview is very interesting to me because it takes a different approach to what attracts some fans to Jericho. I appreciate Rourke taking the time to do it.
1. What attracted you to Jericho and how long have you been watching?
The premise of the show drew me to it, even before it aired. I have been a loyal fan from the start. IMHO CBS deserves great praise for having the guts to green light programming like this for prime time. Facing the realities of nuclear war, or nuclear terrorist attack, has basically been a taboo topic on US primetime TV since the 1983 airing of the made for TV movie “The Day After”. At first there were many comments I heard that this was to be CBS’s answer to LOST – but Jericho proved to be far more realistic in many ways, and thus is bold programming, a drama that makes you really think, and really empathize with characters.
2. What do you think is the main theme of the show?
I think the show is a wake up call as a new nuclear age where the rules of MAD (Mutual Assured Destruction) may no longer apply. (United States and Russia in a tight nuclear oligopoly set up systems whereby if one side tried to do an attack on the other, that a massive retaliation was assured, and thus served as a deterrent, arguably a success throughout the cold war). In a post 911 World with many countries in the nuclear club, the chances of a multiple nuclear attack with low yield ground bursts in major hub cities, becomes more likely. The writers of Jericho have included many homages to the post nuclear apocalyptic genre, such as River Rogue (The Postman) and Lawrence Kansas as target (The Day After). A lesser known one may be the fictional City of Jericho itself, as Mel Tappan, a well known survivalist author, forwarded the premise that a good place to be would be an agricultural town of up to 5,000 people with facilities such as a small hospital.
The theme of the show is many things based upon plausible realities. It is said we often see the best of mankind in the worst of times, but I think Jericho also shows we would see some pretty terrible things also. The fact of the matter is our society it more fragile than we like to believe it is. A small town probably is a far better place you would want to be vs. the cities. Without power, and water, and sewer, and gas, and gasoline, and transportation bringing in food, highly urban areas with dense populations would deteriorate rapidly. Hurricane Katrina certainly showed us this with New Orleans. Now imagine of 25 cities were hit that way at the same time, including DC, and the grid going down nation wide (9:02). While I have been critical of some of the presumptions made by the writers in their “mythology”, I firmly believe that making millions of Americans see the happenings in Jericho, Kansas will at least get them talking, and hopefully, preparing. The Department of Homeland Security and FEMA do offer some free basics to start with: http://www.ready.gov/america/getakit/index.html http://www.fema.gov/areyouready/ It is my hope and belief, that many small cities, villages, and towns might actually be better prepared in at least some ways than was Jericho.
3. What would you say to someone who has never watched?
This is a fantastic show with boldly intelligent writing. It’s very different from most network prime time programming, so be prepared for some real drama and “not too shabby” acting from a great cast you will come to care about. Give it three episodes, and see if you are not hooked. It’s coming out on DVD, so rent it or buy it, and watch it, and get others hooked. It’s one of those shows that is a great conversation starter.
4. Would you join a Jericho Fan Club? Why or why not?
Yes, I already have. After the cancellation, I emailed and called CBS, and encouraged others to online. I put in my credit card order with NutsOnline.com so I’m proud to say some of those historical nuts were from me. Why? First, I love this show, and what a terrible cliffhanger to end on (episode 22)! Second, Jericho was a stunningly different show that actually brought me from cable back to CBS. Third, I was skeptical that the ratings as low as the Nielsen families made it out to be. During the main first season, I missed two episodes as I was out of town for business, etc. I was able to watch the episodes I missed online. That was the first, and remains the only show I’ve done that with. It occurred to me, many others were probably also doing this, thus I suspected the fan base a Jericho was being undercounted. The Jericho fan clubs help serve as an organized liaison between fans and CBS, and I think that’s great. I actually think new ground is being broken here, and CBS realizes this – the proof is in their official website. Finally, I have found the Jericho fan clubs to be loaded with good folks. The Nuts campaign stood out because it was classy, it was polite, and it was clever. To have a major network reverse a multi-million dollar decision because of a grass roots effort by fans and fan clubs – is astonishing. Hey, everyone likes to be a part of a winning team, right? Fact is, to be a part of this, is to be a part of history being made. Jericho fans are writing the new chapters as to what fans can do, and my hope is CBS will continue to try new interaction with Jericho fans, such as the new production blog with a few sneak peeks of what’s coming. It’s simply exciting to be a part of something new, a beta tester as some say.
5. Do you think the Nielsen ratings are capturing all of Jericho's viewers?
Absolutely not, and further I think Jericho has become nothing less than the post child for the campaign to rethink and update this system of gathering ratings. Fact of the matter is, as technology advances, and cable/satellite becomes more interactive, or becoming one with the internet, we will approach the counting of actual real time ratings in combination with actual demographic counts. What I think this would show, if in place now, is that Jericho commands an impressive and lucrative demographic that has a high level of technical savvy and IMHO, appreciation for intelligent programming, drama, writing, and acting.
Additional Comment:
From 1983, the airing of “The Day After” until Jericho, facing the possibility of nuclear attack has been nothing short of taboo on US network TV. There have been movies, books, and the British drama “Threads”, but Jericho is the one show that took on this topic full go and raised the premise shocking to most, “what if I don’t die, then what”. CBS deserves Kudos for having the guts to put this programming on, and there is no denial that this deeply connected will millions of fans. The tech savvy fans of Jericho used cutting edge internet communications to do the unthinkable, in an incredibly short period of time also. While we all hope the Jericho mythology is not our real future, the fans of Jericho have shown us the future of network/fan interaction. Be a part of this! Be a fan of Jericho!
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