Sunday, September 9, 2007

A Monster Fan Interview: Margie and Edna

Margie and Edna, Jericho's oldest advice columnists, give advice to the hapless and the clueless out there in the metro-Jericho area. Everyone wants to know more about them so let's see what we can find out.

1. Why are you considered Jericho's premiere gossip mavens?

Edna: Well, dear, I’m glad you asked. People and information just naturally seem to gravitate to us, I don’t know why. I guess people just naturally trust us—well, until they get to know us. Then we have to work a little harder for the good gossip.

Margie: We are? Well, I'm kind to people and I'm a good listener so people just naturally come to me for advice. I'm as trustworthy as can be and I never repeat a lie. I wouldn't say I gossip. That's what Edna does.

2. How long have you lived in Jericho, and have you ever lived anywhere else?

Edna: I’ve lived in Jericho all my life; I was born and raised here. The only time I ever lived anywhere else was when I spent that year living in Paris…but I’d rather not talk about that.

Margie: I've always lived here. After Mama and Daddy took sick I stayed here to take care of them. While some people lived it up in Paris I did my daughterly duty and cared for my parents who had lovingly cared for us.

3. What do you like to do in your spare time, when you're not gathering town information?

Margie:I like to crochet and make booties for all the babies in town. I'm a good cook when I have the ingredients and I love my garden. I used to take hot meals to the prisoners in the jail but they always said I didn't treat them like Edna did. I won't touch that one. And, I read my Bible every day.

Edna: I like to sew and cook, and putter around in the garden. But what I really love to do is shoot pool down at Bailey’s. I wish we’d get some new people in town though, no one who lives here wants to play me anymore—I guess I shouldn’t have hustled all of them. It’s their own fault, really; no one around here knows how to strategize. Now, that Mr. Hawkins looks like a good pool player—or maybe a good poker player.

4. How have you adapted to life after the bombs? Have you had to make any sacrifices?

Edna: Oh honey, we’ve all had to make sacrifices. But really, Margie and I are old enough to remember the old ways: growing your own garden, using a wood stove, sewing by oil lamp light. Knowing how to do all that has really served us well. The young people have really had to work to adapt though. Before the bombs, all they knew how to do is go on the Interwebs using their Ipods. They’re the ones who have had to make the sacrifices, not us. I just wish they’d stop pilfering our garden. Did you hear that? We know who you are and we have guns, just you try stealing our vegetables again!

Margie: Edna is right about the old days. Mama taught us about home remedies and Daddy taught us to hunt and fish. These young people are upset they can't get on MyPage or stroll the innernet place. I'm afraid life is confusing to them right now. Why, just yesterday, this young fella accosted me at Bailey's. He thought he'd steal my pistol but I whopped him with my cane and he'll sleep several days now.

5. You and your sister don't always seem to get along--did something happen in your past to change your relationship, or has it always been problematic?

Edna: That’s kind of a nosy question, isn’t it? As far as I know, Margie has always been hard to get along with, she was just born that way. It has surely been a trial for me all these years, trying to keep the peace with her. I know I’ll truly get my reward in the hereafter, though.

Margie: Edna and I have differences like any siblings. I try to overlook her, though, because Mama always told me there was something not quite right about Edna. She didn't act like normal people. I do agree with Edna that she'll get her reward in the hereafter because some tough looking men were here today saying, " We're hereafter Edna."

6. What was growing up in Jericho like?

Margie: It was wonderful! We'd go to church and have dinner on the ground afterward. Everybody helped one another and we girls teased all the boys. Edna, remember Papa would buy us those peanuts at the store? Edna was a bit of a loose-well, Edna got around. She had more secrets than CBS had nuts.

Edna: Well, I suppose it was like growing up in any small town: people smiled and said hello when you saw them downtown or in church on Sunday. People were decent to each other, and movies cost a nickel. Margie tortured me every day by threatening to tell my secrets to everyone in town. Come to think of it, that hasn’t really changed…

7. What did your parents do for a living?

Edna: My goodness, it’s been so long, I don’t rightly remember what Daddy did. Mama was a housekeeper—a “stay at home” mother, I think they call it these days. They always took care of us, that's for sure.

Margie: For heaven's sake, Edna, you know Papa ran the bank. I guess you don't remember the time you and Stanley Richmond's uncle tried to rob it either!
My mother, saint that she was, took care of our house and her family. I miss Mama. Don't you, Edna?

Edna: I surely do miss Mama, Margie, because she's the only one who was able to control that lying tongue of yours! I never tried to rob the bank! Mr. Richmond and I may have done many many things together, but robbing banks was not one of them.

8. Did either of you have a career?

Margie: Yes, I had a position of responsibility at the library. I was even allowed to collect overdue fees. Papa would have been so proud. I heard a lot of whispering in the library but I never shushed them. I got as close to them as I could to see if I could help them.

Edna: Oh yes, we were modern young women in our time! I was a secretary at the salt mine for a number of years, until I retired. I had a lot of fun working there, seemed like there were always intrigues and secrets flying around that place.

9. Are you married? Any children?

Edna: Heavens, I’m not married now! I’ve outlived two husbands, God rest their souls, and I never felt like looking for a third. I never had any children of my own either, never really wanted any. Children are really only good for one thing, and that’s massaging your feet—that just never seemed like a good enough reason to bring children into the world.

Margie: I was married five times but the town hussy ran them off. That's the same hussy who outlived two husbands and I can sure see why. I never had children because I already had one in Edna.

10. What one good thing can you say about your sister?

Edna: If I try really hard, I can probably think of more than one, but I will say this for her: she’s tenacious. She’s like a bulldog with a bone when it comes to finding information. Once she sinks her teeth into a story, she won’t stop until she learns everything she can. Some say that’s her worst quality, but I say those folks are just short-sighted.

Margie: Edna is very giving. There are people to whom she'd give the shirt off her back. Or her fishnet hose or spike heels. She gives me a new problem to solve every day and she gives freely of herself to many others.


Skeeterbit said...

LOL! It's a good thing Margie and Edna have each other because I don't think there is a nursing home that could handle them!

Rich said...

This is classic! I see a radio show in the making.

Bravo! Rich

Jericho Saved said...

Nursing home? Did Edna put you up to saying that?

Thank, Rich. Radio? How about a book?

maybei said...

I feel like I have known you two ladies all my life. I love hearing your stories!! Love it!!! Simply love it!!

auntvonna said...

LOL, LOVE these "ladies", they are two funny! They did an excellent recap over at Amy Vernon's blog as well. Thanks for the interview with these two hilarious "Jericho residents!"

Evan said...

Excellent JOb!
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