Monday, October 8, 2007

Jericho: Ask Margie and Edna

Dear Margie and Edna:
These trying times have been difficult on all of us ladies in town. By now, we’ve all run out of hair products, but no one is pony-tailing it—everyone looks well-groomed. Can you explain this mystery to me? On a related note, if you had a forehead like Mary Bailey's, wouldn't you wear bangs?

Stumped in Jericho

Margie: Honey, it's called fallout powder. Just rub it in your hair and the dirt will fall out. Poor Mary Bailey. Edna doesn't wear bangs and look at her forehead. No, don't. You'll damage your eyes.

Edna: You two stop picking on Mary Bailey, I think she looks just fine. It’s not her fault she’s got that naturally curly hair. Giving her bangs would be like giving bangs to a poodle. So you two just be nice.

As for the grooming products, it’s a mystery to me, dear. Nowadays, so many young people rely on that store-bought stuff to look nice, so I can only guess they’ve been hoarding supplies. I shudder to think of the riots that will happen when they run out.

Dear Margie and Edna:
Ever since the bombs dropped, I haven’t been able to vacuum, I’ve run out of cleaning products, and I’m finding it more and more difficult to do my daily chores without the needed supplies. Am I the only one who sees advantages to the bombings?

A Happy Housewife

Margie: I sure see the advantage. I hate to vacuum. It is kind of disgusting, though, to keep eating off the same plate. Edna always spit shines hers. Try that.

Edna: Margie, just you hush! It’s unladylike to lick your plate, like I tell you at each and every meal when you’re licking yours. Happy Housewife, I understand what you mean, it can surely be a trial to keep the house clean, especially without modern conveniences. I know that cleanliness is supposed to be next to godliness, but I bet that whoever wrote that never had to wash their clothes by hand.

Dear Margie and Edna:
Do you think it would be unreasonable of me to have “Jake Green” tattooed on my rear-end and ask my husband to change his name?

S.B., Jericho, KS

Margie: What's unreasonable about that? Come over here and Edna will be glad to draw Jake on your behind. Bring your husband and he won't have to change his name because Edna will lock him in the basement.

Edna: Yes dear, I do think that’s unreasonable. Don’t listen to my sister, as usual she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Now, I’ll grant you that young Jake Green is an attractive man, but are you sure that you’d want to go through the pain of getting a tattoo? And who are you planning to show your behind to, if not your husband? I hate to break it to you dear, but if you’re planning on letting Jake Green get a gander at your goodies, I think he has his sights set on behinds other than yours these days.

If you have a question for Margie and Edna please send to sweat1951@rock.com

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